Monday, May 30, 2011

1st Post on Xanga after a Three Year Absence

Originally Posted on Xanga on May 19, 2011. Last Xanga public post was December 2008.

I have over many different blogsites for many different reasons and themes.  On my Faith Entry I attempted to chronologically document my spiritual journey.  It was not the most comprehensive nor cohesive series.  Why don't I stick to just one blog?  Well, I wanted to make sure that my username would be kept track of and consistent.  Chances are anything with a "freezetag168" or "freezetag1688" is most likely me.  I haven't performed or played that game in a few years and I miss it so much.  (The theatrical improvisational version of the game, not the chase game)  In the Cantonese language, "168" spoken in the Cantonese dialect is very auspicious.

In a way, it's pretty challenging to not mention anything about my spiritual contemplations or my ever evolving personal development reflections.  It's very much a major part of me.

Though I've been going to auditions on a regular basis, I have not really acted fully in almost eight months, and I can feel that taking a major toll on me.  I have not discussed the craft of acting in so long and it was such a major part of me.  Performing lion dance is also something I have not mentioned lately.  I still participate in it, but I'm not giving it the full go as years past.  In a lot of ways there's been an "auto-pilot" mode going on.  I have not yet accomplished the goals I set out for myself two years ago, nor have I aggressively pursued them with reckless abandon.  I'm also having second thoughts of whether or not I really want to pursue the professional acting route on a full-time basis anymore.  There was a period where I gave it my all in 2006-2007.  Ironically I was not working with an agent other than the one who offered to represent me in Singapore.  That did not work out.  I remembered making leaps and bounds from 2003-2005.  I was active with the AATC NewWorks program for two seasons in the capacity as both writer and actor, was cast in my first paid tv commercial in 2003, and I landed my first lead roles on stage and on an independent feature film in 2004 and 2005.  I was on such a momentum such that my dying mother retracted her wish of me working in a corporate setting and gave me her blessings to pursue acting full-time before she passed away in June 2005.  I landed my agent in Singapore in 2006, and began to re-work on my fundamentals. (Voice, movement, basic acting, improvisation, film acting)

Somehow, re-working and re-developing my fundamentals seemed to cause me to back-slide.  I have not booked a solid part since.  I have been to auditions in the past 5 years, but was only offered either small parts and/or extra work.  The last project I worked on was for a 48 hour film challenge last summer.  It's tempting to blame the situation on the economy, but that's not accepting full responsibility for all that's been going on.  I miss acting.  I miss performing.  I miss that process of just dissecting a character and making that character become a part of me by connecting with that inner authentic essence of myself.  When I took an indefinite break from Seydways Actors' Lab, I did not expect to be away for more than three months.  It is now six months and counting.  Yet if I were asked when I'd return, I would provide no definite answer.

I'll admit that my personal and spiritual development superseded my acting endeavors.  Whats funny about it was the fact that I began to explore the personal development as a means to enhance my acting.  In the beginning that was the case.  When I took a few personal development workshops in the spring of 2008, I received feedback from my colleagues about how much more present I was during my performances, how my confidence level dramatically increased, and how much more dynamic, centered, and focus I appeared.  I figured that between the benefits I received as a result of taking the personal development workshops and my years work on re-strengthening my fundamentals, I should have an ease in booking roles.  That has not been the case. Then again because of the intensity of some of the workshops I took, I know I placed more unnecessary pressure on myself.  Add to it the fact that I allowed myself to be sidetracked by signing onto various MLM opportunities presented by my friends over the past three years.

So it's time to re-focus on the acting.

Well...not quite yet.

It's time to create a more sustainable consistent income.

Then we'll talk acting shop.

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